my junior high school's friend whom I fell in love with a long time ago...

damn!!! can't concentrate enough today to continue yesterday's stories... something's bothering my mind -something that I shouldn't even have to think about- tapi bikin BT buangeeet!!! *hiks* I should have stopped by now, but everything's so confusing... but, that the consequences of being me... I knew myself too well, and I know this time I wouldn't stop until it really hurts... well, that's me, you should take it or leave it... *whew!!*

ok, now the stories continue...

I went to Bali last July with all of my colleagues here, damn it was short!! should go there again someday, for a whole week with my best friends, and with my loved ones -if that ever possible- *hikshikshiks*... yeah but still this is a place that I must visit and put it on my vacation list...
well, not many of my friends know that I went there, only few... hey, but I got a really nice surprise on my last night there, really really nice surprise... *hehehehehe..* never thought that I could get a nice sms from him, and yes it was a "he" who sent me sms said that he missed me, though he said that jokingly, but still it was nice.. *big smiles* and the surprise continue on my way home from the airport... he called me, and yet another unexpectingly nice surprise... I can't help myself, I keep smiling on the way home, and the whole people on the bus must be think that I was crazy... *hehehe* I didn't give a damn, I was happy then... *big grin*
and I suddenly fell in love all over again with him...

He's nice, a nicer man than he was... I was glad that he changed, at least now I could talk to him smoothly, although I still can't look into his eyes... :) I think that he's more mature now or maybe experience with girls had made him changed from a cold guy to a more warmer guy... "waahhh, eneg banget ga se denger bahasanya"... hihihihi...
I've tried to build a new friendship with him and gladly he seemed ok with me, though he still so moody... *salah satunya sifatnya dia yg nyebelin*... _kebayang ga se pas lo pengen nelepon seseorang entah dengan alasan apa, tapi pihak satunya menanggapi dengan mood yg jelek_ well, that's him, and I get used to it now...
and since we've been friends again, tapi gue baru bisa ajak dia nonton bulan November, setelah lebaran... wow, the struggle was really hard... but it was worth while... on that day, I realized that it would be nicer and better if we were just friends, so from that day I didn't expect something more, although the sparkles still there, and I wouldn't say no if he asked me to... *smiles* until now, I just enjoyed this friendship, he could be very talkative sometimes, more talkative than me.. *hahahahaha* I will just enjoy this friendship for the time being... but, he will always be "someone I used to fall in love with..."

__ this is for you__

I just read someone else's blog...

damn!!! this blog is really *something*... reminds me that this what blog's for, while I just let my blog untouch for more than 5 months now!!!! silly me... there are many things happened in my life for the past 5 months, but I didn't write anything, what a *dumbo* -words that I used so often these days- I am... *sigh*
Thanks to this person's blog I saw today, which reminds me a lot -I mean a looot- that no matter how simple things had happened to you, they are a very good lessons that come in and out of our life...

There are many things happened and I really dont know where to begin... and damn, I even forgot the dates... *sigh*

First, chattings have been my daily routines for the last 5 months, hehehe... I didn't know who's been complaining about this at the office, but I didn't give a damn at all... *wakakakak* Found few persons, but unfortunately most of them are extremely *crazy* (if you know what "crazy" mean!!! whew!!).. replied few of them, and become friends, although not kind of friends I've been looking for... but this is all crazy, I got addicted, I should have stopped, but damn I can't!!! hehehe... part of me just wanted to have my normal life back, but another part of me didn't... *sigh*

ok, the stories will continue tomorrow... in any minutes boss will ask me to come home... :)

wait, boss still haven't ask, so I'll just continue...

I've met a nice man many months ago on some e-books forum... nice, kind, book lovers, and music lovers too I guess, and really interested in many things like "kundalini", "reiki", "sci-fi", etc... but damn, he's married!! (this is only a joke... hehehe...) anyway, it's really nice to know him, a good friend to share everything... one more good thing about him is that I learned to write long english email... because that's the one thing I can't compare, "his long writing english email"!!! hahaha... but still, he's somebody else's lover.. ooops, "somebody else's husband" I mean!!! *sigh* (just another joke... :))

ok, enough for today...

Jiffest 2004

After Ied, here comes Jiffest 2004!!! yipiiiii.... Its been a long time since I've watched movies in Jiffest, I mean a lot of movies, at least more than 5.... This year, I've watched -damn I forgot the numbers!!- maybe more than 10 movies, including Euro Film Festival which are free... jadi, daripada dianggurin tuh film-film gratis, kan lebih baik ditonton... Jiffest for 2004 is held between 3-12 December 2004. Let's see... I wacthed on 5, 7, 9, 10, 11 and 12 Dec 2004... Hahaha... what a fun!!!
I watched Lilja 4-ever, Le Chiavi di Casa, Io Non Ho Paura, Bridal Shower, In Oranje... damn I forgot the rest!! and I watched "Bride and Prejudice" too, the closing film that directed by the director of Bend It Like Beckham... Its an Indian version of "Pride and Prejudice" of Jane Austen. I hate that movie.... *sighs, hikshiks...* damn, this movie remind me of someone!! (but still I bought the DVD) *huuuuhhhh*
why I don't like this movie??! Its because this *damn* movie remind me of someone a loooootttt, and its because its an impossible movie, its only a dream movie, a make up movie, because the story is impossible, *damn* impossible to be happened in a real life!!!! ITS A DAMN IMPOSSIBLE MOVIE WITH AN IMPOSSIBLE STORY!!! IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!!! AND IT WAS *DAMN* SURE WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME!!!! *hikshikshikshikshiks.....*
I couldn't watch the movie again, at least not the whole movie, I bought it only for my sister and everyone else who want to watch it!!! hikshikshiks....

_I couldn't continue... so, that's it for now... *sighs*_

...

"Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then your not really in love at all."
- C. J. Franks

Miss you...

"I heard someone whisper your name, but when I turned around to see who it was, I was alone. Then I realized that it was my heart telling me that I miss you."
- Source Unknown

Only reminds me (of you)

...

"how could I ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when I turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you... you... "

Selfishness

I feel so selfish today...
While there are husbands, wives, children, parents and families mourning and grieving for their losts, I am grieving for my own lost... And my lost is nothing compare to theirs...
It really is an unreasonable and unexplainable sadness, without proof, without confirmation... Just based on a women instinct...
Hey, there are people out there who lost someone they loved just because of a cruelty of few people, while me, who still can laugh, grieving for some unknown reason and caused...
Life is so unexplainable...

Emotions...

I don't know why... but my emotions are really unstable these few weeks... I can't figure out why... Maybe it's because of those hatred, love, sorrow and sad feelings... To feel all of those feelings at once are really tiring, feels like I've been running few miles... Just try it!!! Hehehe...