Jiffest 2004

After Ied, here comes Jiffest 2004!!! yipiiiii.... Its been a long time since I've watched movies in Jiffest, I mean a lot of movies, at least more than 5.... This year, I've watched -damn I forgot the numbers!!- maybe more than 10 movies, including Euro Film Festival which are free... jadi, daripada dianggurin tuh film-film gratis, kan lebih baik ditonton... Jiffest for 2004 is held between 3-12 December 2004. Let's see... I wacthed on 5, 7, 9, 10, 11 and 12 Dec 2004... Hahaha... what a fun!!!
I watched Lilja 4-ever, Le Chiavi di Casa, Io Non Ho Paura, Bridal Shower, In Oranje... damn I forgot the rest!! and I watched "Bride and Prejudice" too, the closing film that directed by the director of Bend It Like Beckham... Its an Indian version of "Pride and Prejudice" of Jane Austen. I hate that movie.... *sighs, hikshiks...* damn, this movie remind me of someone!! (but still I bought the DVD) *huuuuhhhh*
why I don't like this movie??! Its because this *damn* movie remind me of someone a loooootttt, and its because its an impossible movie, its only a dream movie, a make up movie, because the story is impossible, *damn* impossible to be happened in a real life!!!! ITS A DAMN IMPOSSIBLE MOVIE WITH AN IMPOSSIBLE STORY!!! IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!!! AND IT WAS *DAMN* SURE WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME!!!! *hikshikshikshikshiks.....*
I couldn't watch the movie again, at least not the whole movie, I bought it only for my sister and everyone else who want to watch it!!! hikshikshiks....

_I couldn't continue... so, that's it for now... *sighs*_

...

"Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then your not really in love at all."
- C. J. Franks

Miss you...

"I heard someone whisper your name, but when I turned around to see who it was, I was alone. Then I realized that it was my heart telling me that I miss you."
- Source Unknown

Only reminds me (of you)

...

"how could I ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when I turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you... you... "

Selfishness

I feel so selfish today...
While there are husbands, wives, children, parents and families mourning and grieving for their losts, I am grieving for my own lost... And my lost is nothing compare to theirs...
It really is an unreasonable and unexplainable sadness, without proof, without confirmation... Just based on a women instinct...
Hey, there are people out there who lost someone they loved just because of a cruelty of few people, while me, who still can laugh, grieving for some unknown reason and caused...
Life is so unexplainable...

Emotions...

I don't know why... but my emotions are really unstable these few weeks... I can't figure out why... Maybe it's because of those hatred, love, sorrow and sad feelings... To feel all of those feelings at once are really tiring, feels like I've been running few miles... Just try it!!! Hehehe...

I can't make you love me...

...
´Cause I can´t make you love me if you don´t
you can´t make your heart feel something it won´t
here in the dark, these final hours
I will lay down my heart
and I'll feel the power
but you won´t, no you won´t
coz I can´t make you love me if you don´t...

I´ll close my eyes then I won´t see
the love you do not feel when you´re holding me
mornin´ will come and I´ll do what´s right
just give me till then, to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight...

when you love someone...

when you love someone... you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
you'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
when you love someone...

you'll deny the the truth, believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you could really fly
but your lonely nights, have just begun
when you love someone...

when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothing else can ever change your mind
when you want someone... when you need someone
when you love someone...

when you love someone... you'll sacrifice
you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
you'd risk it all - no matter what may come
when you love someone...
you'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
when you love someone...

Funeral Blues

...

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

(W.H. Auden)

If you were with me now...

Without you standing by my side
Love and good fortune passes me by
And you were my guiding light
It seemed so easy
When we said goodbye

How different would the world be now
If only we had worked it out somehow
What kind of fools are you and I
There would be stars up in the sky
If you were with me now...

Cruel...

Damn!! It really is a cruel world!! How come I never met someone nice?? Just found out that you can’t trust everyone… You can’t even trust your best friend, so how come you trust someone you didn’t even know… It hurts, but I know I’ll be okay… I’d rather you be mean to me, than sweet and lie… It easier that way, so I can find away of letting you go… Frankly, I miss you today… :(

a disappointment

I always thought that no one could ever hurt me again like someone did before, but I was wrong… I am completely wrong… You hurt me… I didn’t feel so much pain though, but I feel a huge disappointment…
I’ve been hurt honey, so much… by your ignorance, by your attitude… I thought you were difference from anybody else… I thought that this would last forever, but I was wrong…

dReAmeR

it doesn't interest me
what you do for a living
i want to know
what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart's longing...

it doesn't interest me how old you are
i want to know if you will risk
looking like a fool for love,
for your dream,
for the adventure
of being alive...

Poem by Laura Fontain...

Learn from your mistakes...

On falling out of love, take some times to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time...

"...hEaRtaChEs..."

For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fuitless years, you should give thanks, for you know that these were the things which helped you grow...

-- a Letter to the Dearest --

To the dearest,
I miss you, as I always had and I always will.
I never thought that I could still miss you after all these times. I missed you terribly at night, when I was try to close my eyes, when nights are started to crawl and the moon starts to shine. I missed your voice, I missed your laughter, I missed our long hours conversations, I missed our discussions, I missed your late night calls, in fact, I missed everything about you. Only God knows why you left, and only God knows what I have been going through. I know you’re out there somewhere, but I do know too that I could never reach you no matter how hard I try. The memories of you will haunt me forever, and its still hurt me. I know, I should never keep the pain, but I still can’t find a way letting you go… I never had a chance to tell you “I love you”, I never had a chance to tell you how much I care about you, and I never had a chance to thank you… I love you for the way you are, I love the way you make me feel, I love everything that’s in you… You introduce me to a place I’ve never been, called love… I never thought that I could fall so deeply to someone until I met you, you show me a whole brand new world… A world so wonderful, but I could never fit in… I can’t get into your world, as you can’t get into mine… I care so much about you, as I care about myself… I want to thank you for the times we shared together, thank you for the memories I will cherish forever, thank you for giving me laughter and joy, for giving me sad and sorrow… Thank you for asking me to be with you… Thank you for everything…
I gave up on you a long time ago, I gave up on everything I ever hope for, I gave up on you like I never gave up on anyone before… but I know that some part of me will always hold on to you forever… part of me will always love you and miss you, no matter how long time have passing by and no matter what I have been going through… I love you...
Yours always,
-me-

-- Never... --

never say I love you, if you don't care,
never talk about feelings if they aren't there,
never touch a life if you mean to break a heart,
never look in the eye when you do is lie.
the cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl, is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall...

__Love is__

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress, it is a life time venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing...

How to define love...

How to define love :
fall but do not stumble,
be constant but not persistent,
share and never be unfair,
understand and try not to demand,
hurt but never keep the pain...

Missing someone today...

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
I love thee to the depth and breath and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight
I love thee freely, as men strive for right
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old grief's and with my childhood's faith
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my love saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! And if God choose
I shall but love thee better after death...

(E.B. Browning)

Arrivederci Gli Azzuri...

Email from "Jharezz"... 23 Juni 2004

GILAA..GILAA..dan GILAA..!! Azzuri pagi2 dach musti angkat koper, salah siapa coba?? bayangin aja masa' team sekelas Italia yang bermaterikan pemain2 top macam Gattuso, Pirlo, Nesta, Vieri, Cassano, FT (nama trakhir sengaja gw singkat karena gw benci banget ma nich orang) bisa tewas di babak pertama??!! ..WHAT"S THE MAK"S..?? kalo kata gw si Trap juga sih kagak mikir... masak bukan mainin PIRLO ama Gattuso yang dipasang dari awal, malah pemain yang kagak jelas kayak C.Zanetti.. kalo si Trap dari awal memainkan Pirlo dengan formasi 4-4-2 mungkin jalan ceritanya bisa beda dan juga secara pribadi gw kecewa banget kenapa Pippo yang mempunyai kontribusi besar atas lolosnya Italia ke putaran final euro 2004, tidak dipasang?? sebagai top skorer di timnas harusnya Trapp memasang Pippo, mampus aje dech loe TRAP akhirnya loe dipecat FIGC, gw dach muak ama skema kepelatihannya dia, beda banget ama Dinno Zoff.

Saran gw ITALIA dach gak butuh pelatih yang terus menekankan pertahanan ala grendel macam TRAPP, dan ITALIA gak butuh penyerang yang temprament & banyak gaya macam TOTTONG ..

a HoPe...

Tak ada apa-apa... tak ada rasa, tak ada getar-getar ketika sosokmu tiba-tiba muncul di depan pintu... Aku tak pernah mengira akan berjumpa denganmu lagi... Aku tak pernah mengira bisa mengenalmu lagi... Tapi, kau benar-benar telah kembali, dan telah kuyakinkan diri bahwa ini bukan mimpi...
Kau datang tidak dengan tangan kosong, kau tidak sama seperti yang dulu... Masih terbayang dengan jelas dalam ingatanku, dulu sebuah senyum samar pun jarang sekali kau berikan padaku... Ingatkah kau? Tapi sekarang, kau tertawa!! Sebuah perubahan besar...
Tetapi ada satu yang tak berubah tentang dirimu, kau masih tertutup... Kau tertawa, kau tersenyum, kau bercanda, tapi hatimu masih tertutup rapat...
Walaupun begitu, tahukah kau bahwa cinta itu datang lagi... cinta yang telah kukubur rapat-rapat dan dalam-dalam, ternyata masih tersisa setitik dan terselip jauh di dasar hati, menunggu untuk bersemi kembali...
Tapi kutau cintamu bukan dan takkan pernah untukku...
Aku hanya berharap, semoga suatu hari nanti kau mau membuka pintu hatimu, sedikit saja... satu celah kecil untuk masuknya cintaku...

Kuingin sendiri hari ini...

Kuberjalan pagi ini dengan langkah ringan. Sendiri... seperti biasa, seakan tak terjadi apa-apa, dengan ritual yang sama dengan kemarin... Kuhembuskan napas dalam-dalam untuk menghirup segarnya udara pagi, walaupun sudah tercampur dengan bau asap dari knalpot-knalpot mobil tidak layak jalan yang berseliweran di sepanjang jalan.. Kunikmati hangatnya mentari pagi.. Aaaahhhh.... Lumayan untuk menghilangkan segala kepenatan selama seminggu ini... Dini hari tadi kuucapkan "Selamat Ulang Tahun" untuk dua orang sahabat... Satu orang teman kuliahku, dan satunya adalah orang yang sangat berarti, cinta di masa remaja...

Sesampainya di tengah keramaian orang, entah kenapa dadaku terasa sesak, seperti tak bisa bernapas... Mungkin karena mereka mengingatkan pada kesedihan, pada kepenatan... Mungkin aku perlu sendiri hari ini, tapi tak bisa... Seandainya bisa, aku pasti sudah sendiri hari ini, di kamar, atau menonton semua DVD yang ada di rumah... Aaahhhhhh, seandainya bisa...

--Heartbreak--

Heartbreaks will last as long as you want, and cut deep as you allow them to go... The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to
learn from them...

Unknown

tHe gReAteSt iRonY of LovE...

"The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go..."

Ini adalah salah satu "quotation" fav gue... Ironis banget ga se kalimatnya?? coba deh baca baik-baik, resapi dan renungkan, trus kasih comment bagaimana maknanya menurut kalian...

Please, tell me how to keep away the pain...

Aku menangis lagi malam ini... Luka itu terbuka kembali dan tetap terasa perih... sementara, dia disana bahagia... tangisku memang tak pernah selesai sejak malam itu.. enam bulan sudah berlalu tapi tangisku tak juga selesai... kenapa luka ini tak mau sembuh??!

"Dia tak berharga!!", berkali-kali seorang teman menasehatiku.. Dia memang tak berharga!! Bahkan aku pun tak bisa menyangkalnya.. tapi mengapa luka ini tetap tak mau sembuh??!...

Please, tell me how to keep away the pain...

29 Mei 2004, menjelang malam...

oNce UpoN a tiMe...

once upon a time,
when the sky was covered with blue...
once upon a time,
when the sun was smiling too...
we're just common people with an ordinary look,
we're just common people with an ordinary love,
and once upon a time,
when I fell in love with you...

from a "friend", unknown source...

OuT oF rEacH...

"ku tak bisa menggapaimu, takkan pernah bisa,
kau hanya mimpi bagiku, tak untuk jadi nyata"

I can't make you love me...

Loving someone...

Mencintai seseorang itu mudah, hal tersulit adalah melepaskannya...

...

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her...

from "Notting Hill"

Pergilah kemana hati membawamu...

Dan kelak, di saat begitu banyak jalan terbentang dihadapanmu
dan kau tak tahu jalan mana yang harus kauambil,
janganlah memilihnya dengan asal saja, tetapi duduklah dan tunggulah sesaat.
Tariklah napas dalam-dalam, dengan penuh kepercayaan,
seperti saat kau bernapas di hari pertamamu di dunia ini.
Jangan biarkan apapun mengalihkan perhatianmu, tunggulah dan tunggulah lebih lama lagi.
Berdiam dirilah, tetap hening, dan dengarkanlah hatimu.
Lalu, ketika hati itu bicara, beranjaklah, dan pergilah kemana hati membawamu...

from "Va' Dove ti Porta il Cuore" by Susanna Tamaro

Sabtu Kelabu

My first post... Hehehe... :D
Sabtu pagi udah nongkrong di kantor.. kaciaaann ya...
Emang ga ada kerjaan se.. tapi akhirnya bisa beres2 laci... setelah sekian lama begitu berantakan... :)