..........................................

"Dead End?????"

Hmmm... its cloudy day out there. Like me, cloudy...

I had (another) argument last night with my boyfriend. Like we always did recently... Or I think I had. I don't know whats happening with us, or with me for exactly. Its always me whining and complaining... I'm sorry, thats just me...

He said that I didnt trust him and "Lack of trust = Deadend!"
Maybe he start giving up on me now. But I haven't and I will never giving up on us...
Last night was not about trust. I just didnt know which one is true of what he said to me. Not about trust at all. Maybe he thought that way. I dont know.

It started by simple things. First he said he will try to call me, then he said he dont know if he will or not. When i said, "so you wont call me tonight?", he said that he dont have the phone card. Do you see what I mean here? First he said "a", then "b", then "c". Then I really didnt know which one is true, what he meant by all those sentences. If he knew he dont have the cards, why he said he would try to call me???

Well, sorry if I didnt get what he meant by those sentences, but it got me confused and felt like I'm in the middle of nowhere. And then he left...

Its not about who's to blame. Its not always guys fault but I could always take the blame too. I'm sorry if I did a mistake. I never afraid to admit that. Maybe its just that we really are lack of communication these days. We didnt talk as much as we used to. I dont want to have another arguments with him. Sometimes I didnt even know what we're arguing or fighting about. Thats just me, being selfish silly of me...

I miss him. I miss us.

I love you...