Fed Up...

“Fed up living around the phone”
Whoaaa… He fed up living around our only to be contacted? Our only communication tool?
Hey, what do you think it made me feel?
It felt like “He fed up with me, with our relationship”
For now, I couldn’t find another way.
Phone has become important part of my life.
If I can find another way, don’t you think I will do it?
I don’t know. I’m speechless…

“He wants someone to hold”
And the way he said it, it felt like “he wants to end this”

I’m fed up too.
I’m fed up when I want to talk to him I have to ask first, “can we talk?”
I’m fed up waiting for sms in the morning and at night, sometimes all day
I’m fed up trying alone to make it work
I’m fed up when I really want to talk for hours, I have to ask “can we talk longer today?”
I’m fed up feeling that he would always go when his friend asked, but not when I asked
I’m fed up looking at the phone in the morning, said “no new messages”
I’m fed up asking everyday “will let me know when you’re home?”
I’m fed up always to be the first person sending sms
I’m fed up waiting
I’m fed up and tired.

Could not ask for more, could I?

Australian Trip...

What could I say about that?
What could I ask?

The truth is...
Australia trip? I thought, ok I'm fine with it.
Staying at friend's house? I thought, wait a minute... What the hell is that suppose to be?

I might not really like the idea of Australia trip, but I really really dont like the idea of staying at friend's house.
I never like it. I never said anything, but I have bad feelings about it.

I asked that he come after Australia, I asked him not to cut my holiday short.
Thats all I asked.
So, I could not ask for more, could I?

I never like it at all. Its not something normal for me.
But hey, I was only being unreasonable right? and I didnt make any sense, right?
So, I could not say anything more, could I?

Then, someone strongly adviced not to stay at friend's house.
And he said, ok.
Where do I stand all this time then??

Could not ask for more, could I?

-mixture feelings of hurt, sad, disappointed, mad, confused, lonely, bad mood...-

Poem by E.E. Cummings...

"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it,
Anywhere I go, you go, my dear.
And whatever is done by only me,
is your doing, my darling.
I fear no fate,
for you are my fate, my sweet.
I want no world, for, beautiful,
you are my world, my true.
Here is the deepest secret no one knows.
Here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life,
which grows higher than the soul can hope,
or mind can hide.
It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart."