When you look in my eyes...

Thought I was through with love
Thought it was over
Didn't need what I needed before
The never-ending story had an ending after all
And it hurts you when you fall

Guess I didn't believe enough
Didn't think it could happen
I gave up on myself long ago
Love had me believing then it turned and closed the door
I couldn't trust it anymore

But I'm beginning to doubt my doubts
And I'm losing faith in my faithlesness
And the grey above is clearing, becoming blue sky
When you look in my eyes

But here in reality
It gets so confusing
Why are old habits hard to break
My heart's afraid of losing so I haven't played the game
It always seems to end the same

But I'm beginning to doubt my doubts
And I'm losing faith in my faithlesness
And the grey above is clearing, becoming blue sky
I'm beginning to feel again
And I'm losing what's left on my thoughtlesness
The sun has begun to come out in my life
When you look in my eyes

You gave me something more
It's like I'd neever loved before

One Night...

I just heard this song again today... Not exactly like my mood, but almost... *sigh*

Long day and I'm ready
I'm waiting for your call
'Cause I've made up my mind
My heart aches with a hunger
And the want that you were mine
No I cannot deny

So for one night
is it all right
That I give you

My heart
My love
My heart
Just for one night
My body
My soul
Just for one night
My love
My love
For one night
One night
One night

When morning awakes me
Well I know I'll be alone
And I feel I'll be fine
So don't you worry about me
I'm not empty on my own
For inside I'm alive
That for one night
It was so right
That I gave you

quotes of the day2...

"I love it when you look at me because for a moment I know I've crossed your mind." -- Source Unknown

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." -- Kahlil Gibran

Lonely Valentine...

Happy Valentine's Day to everybody!!!

Today I was so furious!!! I don't why and how I could get so angry and sad at once... *hikshikshiks* I know that this is going to happen, I realized it a long time ago... but DAMN!!! I don't know what is happening to me... I need someone to talk but he's busy... damn!! I feel so sad, and I don't know the reason why... but I think that the true reason why I'm feeling so blue today is because I need someone today, but unfortunately there's no one to celebrate Valentine with... *hikshikshiks* how lonely my life has been for the past 24 years...

I'm frozen inside...

Lie to me...

.....

"If you don't love me - lie to me
'Cause baby you're the one thing I believe
Let it all fall down around us, if that's what's meant to be
Right now if you don't love me baby - lie to me..."

"Lie to me...
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me...
But please don't leave...

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
So try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?..."

.....

quotes of the day...

Its been a long time since I read new quotes... I used to read them a lot, where did the habbit go??!! where did all my habbits go??! and where did my life go??! *sighs* I've been live too long in dreams, an impossible dreams... but dreams I didn't want to give up yet, dreams that I always wish to come true someday... but damn!!! Its impossible, like trying to catch the falling stars... __wulan, all you do was just trying to make the impossible more impossible__ *hikshikshiks*

Anyway, here are the quotes I read today:

"Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart." -- Charles Dickens

"To be loved is to live forever in someone's heart." -- Source Unknown

"What is beautiful is not always right; what is right is not always beautiful." -- Source Unknown

"If I reach for your hand, will you hold it? If I hold out my arms, will you hug me? If I go for your lips, will you kiss me? If I capture your heart, will you love me?" -- Source Unknown

"I’ve kissed a guy... I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing.... That thing... that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time." -- Drew Barrymore; from the movie "Never Been Kissed"

"I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But, now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me." -- Source Unknown

Source : library.lovingyou.com

*hikshikshiks...*

that was all??!

he was online for only 10 minutes, and only to ask what the meaning of my sms... *hikshikshiks*

my junior high school's friend whom I fell in love with a long time ago...

damn!!! can't concentrate enough today to continue yesterday's stories... something's bothering my mind -something that I shouldn't even have to think about- tapi bikin BT buangeeet!!! *hiks* I should have stopped by now, but everything's so confusing... but, that the consequences of being me... I knew myself too well, and I know this time I wouldn't stop until it really hurts... well, that's me, you should take it or leave it... *whew!!*

ok, now the stories continue...

I went to Bali last July with all of my colleagues here, damn it was short!! should go there again someday, for a whole week with my best friends, and with my loved ones -if that ever possible- *hikshikshiks*... yeah but still this is a place that I must visit and put it on my vacation list...
well, not many of my friends know that I went there, only few... hey, but I got a really nice surprise on my last night there, really really nice surprise... *hehehehehe..* never thought that I could get a nice sms from him, and yes it was a "he" who sent me sms said that he missed me, though he said that jokingly, but still it was nice.. *big smiles* and the surprise continue on my way home from the airport... he called me, and yet another unexpectingly nice surprise... I can't help myself, I keep smiling on the way home, and the whole people on the bus must be think that I was crazy... *hehehe* I didn't give a damn, I was happy then... *big grin*
and I suddenly fell in love all over again with him...

He's nice, a nicer man than he was... I was glad that he changed, at least now I could talk to him smoothly, although I still can't look into his eyes... :) I think that he's more mature now or maybe experience with girls had made him changed from a cold guy to a more warmer guy... "waahhh, eneg banget ga se denger bahasanya"... hihihihi...
I've tried to build a new friendship with him and gladly he seemed ok with me, though he still so moody... *salah satunya sifatnya dia yg nyebelin*... _kebayang ga se pas lo pengen nelepon seseorang entah dengan alasan apa, tapi pihak satunya menanggapi dengan mood yg jelek_ well, that's him, and I get used to it now...
and since we've been friends again, tapi gue baru bisa ajak dia nonton bulan November, setelah lebaran... wow, the struggle was really hard... but it was worth while... on that day, I realized that it would be nicer and better if we were just friends, so from that day I didn't expect something more, although the sparkles still there, and I wouldn't say no if he asked me to... *smiles* until now, I just enjoyed this friendship, he could be very talkative sometimes, more talkative than me.. *hahahahaha* I will just enjoy this friendship for the time being... but, he will always be "someone I used to fall in love with..."

__ this is for you__

I just read someone else's blog...

damn!!! this blog is really *something*... reminds me that this what blog's for, while I just let my blog untouch for more than 5 months now!!!! silly me... there are many things happened in my life for the past 5 months, but I didn't write anything, what a *dumbo* -words that I used so often these days- I am... *sigh*
Thanks to this person's blog I saw today, which reminds me a lot -I mean a looot- that no matter how simple things had happened to you, they are a very good lessons that come in and out of our life...

There are many things happened and I really dont know where to begin... and damn, I even forgot the dates... *sigh*

First, chattings have been my daily routines for the last 5 months, hehehe... I didn't know who's been complaining about this at the office, but I didn't give a damn at all... *wakakakak* Found few persons, but unfortunately most of them are extremely *crazy* (if you know what "crazy" mean!!! whew!!).. replied few of them, and become friends, although not kind of friends I've been looking for... but this is all crazy, I got addicted, I should have stopped, but damn I can't!!! hehehe... part of me just wanted to have my normal life back, but another part of me didn't... *sigh*

ok, the stories will continue tomorrow... in any minutes boss will ask me to come home... :)

wait, boss still haven't ask, so I'll just continue...

I've met a nice man many months ago on some e-books forum... nice, kind, book lovers, and music lovers too I guess, and really interested in many things like "kundalini", "reiki", "sci-fi", etc... but damn, he's married!! (this is only a joke... hehehe...) anyway, it's really nice to know him, a good friend to share everything... one more good thing about him is that I learned to write long english email... because that's the one thing I can't compare, "his long writing english email"!!! hahaha... but still, he's somebody else's lover.. ooops, "somebody else's husband" I mean!!! *sigh* (just another joke... :))

ok, enough for today...